


Ride Along: The Battle of Mewni(EDITED)

by dobokdude



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Dark Comedy, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Satire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dobokdude/pseuds/dobokdude
Summary: Join OCs Paladin and Plothoric in the first installment of a brand new series where OCs like him accompany our favorite characters, whether it's supporting them in times of need, criticizing their dumbass decisions, or poking fun at ships, it'll be a hell of a ride! Rated T for humor





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is everyone, the full Battle of Mewni Ride Along fic. This series will be the replacement of the FandomSins series since this is a more creative option.
> 
>  
> 
> So anyway remember this is rated T for more mature humor, you’ve been warned. I own nothing except my OC Paladin, Plothoric belongs to Platyman. Everything else to Daron Nefcy, Disney and their affiliates please support the official release.

Star sits in her carriage, sighing sadly as she watches the person she's romantically interested in his own home without his knowledge or consent, in the way of all true romantics.  
"Oh Marco, if only you weren't such a cute idiot" she says miserably.  
"They were behind the dog food…"carefully intoned a voice from the shadows.  
With a burst of light and a whoosh and the sound effect from an Atari game (because that is what magic sounds like, don't cha know) Star springs to her feet, pointing her want in the direction of the voice.

 

"Okay, who said that, and what do you want with Marco's cereal?!"

 

"A thousand apologies your most Royal Highness! I pray you Highness will grace me with your forgiveness for startling you." Stated the voice, cultivated is some at reedy and nasal, with a tone tined with obsequiousness.

 

As royalty, Star was used to subservience and not mollified by it.

 

"Just answer the question".

 

Stepping into the light, the speaker revealed themselves as a man of about 60 bent, with a slight slump, so that he was only a little taller than Star himself. He had a mid-length wispy grey beards band is slightly upturned and wore a high brimless hat, not unlike a fez but rounded at the top. He wore dark pink robes with a blue border fastened with a blue felt belt, with curly shoes and a little of his hose visible below the hem. His hat was similarly dark pink with a light blue crest near the rim, portraying a butterfly balancing a scroll on the tips of its wings.

 

"Your Highness, you most humble service, Royal Scribe and real-time Historian, Plotholric the Scribe".

 

"You said scribe twice. Mom, who is this weirdo?"

 

Without taking her eyes off the road, Moon turned around and answered her daughter  
"Ah, I see you've found Plotholric. I'm afraid it's true Star. He was one of my mother's last appointments and while I'm not completely convince of the utility of his post, I wanted to show respect to her memory by retaining it."

 

"And his post is…"

 

"Real time Historian, your Highness. As her Most Royal Majesty has just now explained, her dearly lamented Royal Predecessor, Sky the Benevolent, was pleased to grant me the honour of taking up the post of Royal Historian. After compiling some the accounts of the counts relating to past monarchs, and being deeply concerned about the existence of conflicting accounts, I requested of her Late Majesty the opportunity to chronicle the illustrious deeds of the Royal Family as it actually happened before my eyes. "  
Star tilted her hade a little puzzled…

 

"So you're like a… minute taking guy, but for my life?"

 

"Principally her Majesty your Royal Mother, your highness, but yes yours as well. However, unlike most minute takers I am forbidden to take any part in the "meeting". Her Majesty's predecessor has bound me at my own request with a magical contact, to chronicle the actions of the Royal Family and record them for posterity, while as far as possible refraining from intervening, so that should the day go ill, the memory of the Queen and her fore-mothers great deeds should not perish…"

 

"This is taking too long, Mom, what's this guy's deal?"

 

"He's magically bound to note down everything we do that he feels is significant, but he's not allowed to interfere with what we're doing in anyway. Just try to ignore him Star, it actually better allows him to do his job."

 

"So, like, we have to lug this guy around all of the time that we are trying to save our Kingdom, and he's not even allowed to give use any help?! Even though he's technically our servant?!"

 

"While I am barred from actively offering any active practical assistance to her Majesty and you Highness in this task, if I can provide you with counsel that I believe would be useful, then I shall not hesitate to do so. Also, if necessary when recording your conversation and actions I may ask for a clarification or explanation, but only with the aim or better recording the illustrious deeds of the Butterfly line. Only published at with the permission of the reigning Queen of course. I'm not some gossiping minstrel" he said sniffily.

 

"Well I'm glad of that at least, but I don't need more unsolicited advice" said Star throwing a glance towards her mother. "I get enough of that already."

 

"Honestly, I feel that part of the reason mother gave him this appointment was to give him something else to do there than provide unsolicited advice" said Moon, primly ignoring her daughter’s veiled criticism. "Though I suspect she also wanted to keep him out of trouble. A bit too benevolent for her own good sometimes Mum."

 

"I don't believe that will be the judgement of history, your Majesty."

 

"Because you'll be writing it?"

 

"Of course you majesty."


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, here is part 2 of fic. Remember I only own my OC, everything else to their respective owners and don't forget to share and review!

All of a sudden the carriage gradually transformed into progressively less impressive transporting a strangely arbitrary way and then disappeared together leaving the two royals and the historian flat upon the earth.

 

"The power of magic is decreasing, we'll have to continue on foot" stated Moon, sounding every inch the intrepid leader.

 

"Excuse me, your Majesty." Plotholic piped out "I do not wish to be impertinent, but can I ask why we do not use the Dimensional Scissors to reach our destination? We all have a pair."

 

"Um, Plotholric, I'm pretty sure that Dimensional Scissors only allow you to travel between dimensions, not within them. I mean it's in the name." said Star hesitantly, trying not to sound as if she thought Plotholric had said something foolish but clearly surprised that they could overlook something so obvious.

 

"Of course you are right your Highness" answered Plotholric "However, as far as I'm given to understand, the Scissors allow the wielder to travel to any part of another dimension. So, theoretically, if we were to use them to travel to another dimension, perhaps finally helping your friend find that cereal he was so depressed about."  
Star gave a start . "I really don't think that the cereal was what Marco was sad about, but that is actually a great idea Plotholic. What do you think Mom, can we give it a shot?"

 

Moon paused for about 30 seconds clearly given the idea carefully though, before finally giving a brisk shape of her head.

 

"Its an interesting idea Plotholic, and thank you for the suggestion, but I can't risk trying it."

 

"Why not? If it's about Marco, I know we shouldn't draw him into this and I don't want to. We can just crash with Kelly for a minute. You ever tried a Goblin Dog?"

 

Plotholric sharply exhaled "Your Highness! I didn't know you knew someone who was holding! How wonderful! It is the real thing isn't it, not just a Frankfurter laced with..."

 

"No it's not that Star" said Moon hurriedly "It's too dangerous to experiment with the scissors like in that way. It's true that I've never asked Hekapoo about this, but it strikes me that there could be someone to downside to using the scissors twice in succession in that way. Precisely because doing so would be so sensible and contention, the very fact that no one seems to issue them in this way makes me feel that their must be some sort of limitation or hidden downside to doing so that we're not seeing. I mean, just think about it for a second. If his was possible we'd never doing anything else. Also these forms of transport would be completely obsolete".

 

"Yeah I guess you’re right," said Star, almost singing in disappointment. "It doesn't make a lot of sense that everyone across the multiverse who has Scissors would completely avoid a potential way to use them that would be useful in so many situations and sole so many of their problems unless there was a good reason not to do it".

 

"Indeed, your Majesty is probably correct" Plotholic concurred. "For that to not be the case would indicate that some for was deliberately preventing people from realising obvious solutions to their problems in order to perpetuate dramatic and difficult situations, which seems absurd".  
Star nodded "Yeah I guess that would be weird but… wait. Weren't the Dimensional Scissors created by Hekapoo? And wasn't Hekapoo created by Glossaryk?!"  
Moon considered this before a moment then replied  
"All the more reason not to risk it, really"

 

"I defeated him once", cried Star defiantly "I can do it again".

 

"With all due respect Your Highness" piped up Plotholic form the corner where he was huddled, "I don't feel that that is a very accurate description of what occurred. Actually that is probably the opposite of what happened."

 

"What do you mean" yelled Star "I did defeat Toffee".

 

"Your Highness did destroy Toffee, but as was subsequently made plain his destruction was not permanent, and indeed was all according to his plan."

 

"Um Okay, but I did save Marco".

 

"Your Highness did retrieve Mr Diaz, but you did not prevent his kidnapping or successfully snatch him from the enemies clutches. You only secured his release by giving into the enemy demands. So in the interest of accuracy, I would have to conclude was in fact Toffee who defeated Your Highness. Indeed the only person who could reasonably have claimed to have defeated Toffee is Her Majesty".

 

"I think that's enough for now" said Moon, standing next to Star who was clearly trying hard not to burst into tears.

 

"Tell me about it" Star said, touched and disarmed by her usually reserved mother's sudden vulnerability.

 

"I was about your age when I that happened" stated Moon, her voice heavy with emotion.

 

"A yes, I remember it well" said Plotholic suddenly and obliviously pushing the mother and daughter to the edge of the bench as he sat down.

 

"Her Majesty was indeed very like your Highness, on the occasion of her ascension to the Throne".

 

"Really?" Said Star, curiosity about possible common ground with her mother overcoming her annoyance at Plotholic intruding on a rare moment of emotional closeness.

 

"Indeed, your Highness. Well apart from the fact that she was perhaps more patient responsible and intelligent than your Highness, in the interest of accuracy."

 

Star blinked "um Ok, I feel like that's a matter of opinions".

 

"And rather better dressed".

 

"Okay now that is just…"

 

"And rather better looking."

 

Now Moon and Star just stared at him open mouthed. Star eventually broke the silence

 

"What the actual…"

 

"Please don't misunderstand me. I'm sure Your Highness has many young admirers, and your Majesty is still a very handsome woman, but in her younger days, she was quite the noted beauty".

 

Moon shifted awkwardly "Well it's flattering that you should say that Plotholic, but I don't think it’s necessary"

 

"And when she grew a little older, I mean well…"

 

Mother and daughter exchanged an anxious look uncertain of where this was going.

 

"I remember when they published that print of Her Majesty for her coming of age ceremony on the day she turned 18. I'm sure every man in the kingdom bought a copy, and not necessarily for patriotic reasons."

 

Seeing her own look of horror mirrored on her daughter’s face, Moon piped up

 

"I don't feel that my daughter wished to know.."

 

"Some of the women too" continued Plotholic blithely. "I know because I asked everyone who bought it. In the spirit of historical accuracy, of course".

 

Star and Moon stared at them a blank face before Star abruptly turned to her mother.

 

"SO, your Mom died."

 

Moon blinked a number of times then said "Yes. That happened. Let me continue".


End file.
